I Let Things Bother Me

I know I shouldn’t, but I do.  Things I should just let roll off my back have a way of eating me up inside, to the point it really ruins my day.  I’m a grown up, and I should be able to handle people saying or doing things I don’t always agree with, but there are some people in my life who know exactly what buttons to push to send me into a foul mood for the entire day.  In fact, it will probably last until tomorrow.  It’s a chain reaction, too, which is what really bugs me.

Despite getting up at three in the morning, I was looking forward to having a good day this afternoon.  I only had to work until eleven, and one of my best friends is home from California and I was looking forward to going to lunch with him.  I had a decent staff on at work this morning and I was enjoying chatting in both English and Spanish with the crew while we worked.

Then Grumpy shows up.

Now, before I go into my tirade, it should be noted that for the most part, I have nothing but the utmost respect for my boss.  He has gone out of his was to help me and others throughout the time I have known him and I feel he is truly one of the most charitable people I know.  He runs a good business and sets a good example for his staff.  I have worked for him for almost fourteen years and I will probably work for him for at least fourteen more.  I understand that he wants and expects nothing but the best from his employees at all times.  That being said, if he continues to anger me in the ways he does on a weekly basis, I may lose my mind.  I cannot handle the amount of stress he brings into my life by just saying or doing one little thing.  Quite often he points out the most insignificant details that I may have overlooked at some point and he makes me feel terrible about it.  What upsets me most is that I am meticulous about my job.  I take my job so seriously even he has told me to lighten up at times, yet somehow no matter how hard I work, it is never enough for him.  I try to tell myself that he just wants things to be perfect and when he says things that upset me I should try not to take it personally, but damn, I am tired of busting my ass only to be made to feel worthless so many times a week.  The thing that makes it so hard is that often times things are running perfectly smoothly when for some reason he feels it necessary to join the crew and start working, usually meaning I get brushed aside while he does my job.  This leaves me standing up front with nothing to do, which obviously upsets him and starts his commenting.  Of course, had he just stayed out of everyone’s way, this problem would not have existed.  Of course I can’t tell him to stay out of our way or to let me run the shift, which is what I am being paid to do.  No, no, I have to bite my tongue and try to stay busy while he huffs and puffs and stomps his feet.

This is where the chain reaction occurs.  Now I am scrambling around trying to be productive while he does my job, meaning I probably end up doing something someone else was already doing anyway, so now I am unsetting them, and so forth.  Even though I had been perfectly happy early in the day, I am now frustrated, aggravated that he feels the need to come “help” us, and hurt that he makes me feel like I am not doing a good enough job.  My resentment builds up inside as I get angrier that he feels I need his help and at some point I blow up at either a customer or an employee.  Now they are angry and in a bad mood and instead of everyone enjoying themselves while they work, everyone is in a foul mood and wants nothing more than to go home.

Of course, I got to go home, but my bad mood came with me.  As I had said, I was excited about going to lunch with my friend, but when I got home I was still so aggravated I didn’t want to see anyone.  I eventually made the phone call to see if he wanted to go out and when he didn’t respond, I grew more and more annoyed.  Finally, I settled on getting myself lunch and sitting alone in my apartment for the rest of the afternoon.  It didn’t help that when I placed the order for my Thai food the person taking my order spoke about three words of English and I have yet to add Thai to my language library so even ordering lunch became an aggravation.

It’s now four in the afternoon, which is too late for me to take a trip to see my friend, as by the time I got there I would have to turn around and go home.  He probably feels like I blew him off since we never even talked about our plans, and in about two hours I’ll go lay down, which will be the end of my day.  I will certainly have to spend even more time with my boss tomorrow, which will certainly increase my wonderful mood.

I don’t enjoy being in a bad mood or closing myself in my apartment, sitting in silence until I go to bed.  So many times I find myself too frustrated to want to do the fun things in my life, like read a book or watch a movie or go to lunch with my friend, and when I step back and realize that so many times these bad moods have been brought on by the same person, well, it bothers me to say the least.  I know I shouldn’t let these things bother me.  I know I should just shrug it off and try to enjoy the time when I’m not at work, but somehow it always comes home with me.

I will try to be in a better mood tomorrow.  I will try not to let him upset me as I work.  I will try to keep a smile on my face despite what may be said or done.  I think if those I worked with knew how hard he was on me sometimes they would understand why I am so hard on them.  In any case, I suppose I should be off.  Adios.

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~ by James on December 19, 2011.

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