Throwing It Out There In English

I try to find a balance between my Spanish blog and this one.  While this blog is intended for the more traditional function of a blog (spout off to complete strangers about personal issues in my life) I had hoped to utilize the Spanish blog simply as a learning tool.  In recent months however, I found myself interested in expressing myself more personally through Spanish.  Therefore, I have started spouting off to complete strangers about issues in my life in Spanish.  While I know a certain small number of people may come across this, I really don’t worry too much about the content I put here or there, however sometimes I feel the need to ramble in English as I struggle to write as quickly as I would like in Spanish.  In any case, recent events in my life have dictated that I merge the two entities a bit as things I write about are relevant to both blogs.  What am I going on about?  Let me go on.

Some time ago, I think early in the month of October, one of my employees started insisting she could find me a girlfriend.  Now, before I go on with this, it should be noted that I have been single since 2004 and that relationship was the only relationship I ever had that I actually counted as an official boyfriend/girlfriend relationship.  We referred to one another as boyfriend and girlfriend, our parents were introduced to our significant other and it was mandatory that I hold her hand at all times in public, even if that meant causing commotion while walking along the sidewalks of NYC.  Don’t ask.  Anyway, aside from that, I have never dated a girl in any sort of meaningful way.  There were a few friends I made who perhaps were a little more than friends, but it never amounted to much except a bit of heartache on my part.  Yeah, I actually wanted relationships with those that didn’t.  Anyway.  Back to my story.

My friend from work kept telling me about these wonderful single women she knew, but it usually ended with, “Yeah, but she lives in Mexico.”  Again, a few things to note.  While this is not a deal breaker by any means, I would like to find a latina woman to date.  Why?  Well, I find latina women to be very attractive, I love speaking Spanish (yes, I would prefer to speak Spanish over English if I could) and for some reason (perhaps a result of working so much with them) I have a special place in my heart for anyone who works as hard as they do to provide for their families.  This is not to say that is a beautiful american woman came my way I would turn her down, but I am not actively seeking one.  I find (while this obviously does not go for all) american girls/women to be incredibly materialistic and vain.  Of course I make exceptions to this, but compared to the latina women I have met, there is a big difference.

Now, let’s veer off course for a second just to say that there are some latina women out there who seek out american guys for the sad reason that they believe that is their only way to remain in the country.  I am not intending this to turn into some political rant, but I keep this fact in the back of my mind anytime a pretty latina woman makes a pass at me.  (OK, it’s not often, but it happens)  To be fair, american girls latch onto guys with money to secure their future as well, so it’s all the same in the end I guess.  Anyway, while yes, I would love to find an attractive latina to date, I am hesitant if things start moving too quickly.  That’s why recent events have sparked hope in me.

After seemingly minutes of searching Facebook, my coworker stumbled across a friend of her husband who is single.  She started describing her to me and of course I was interested, but hesitant.  She found a picture to show me and I was certain I would be disappointed, but much to my surprise, the photo I saw was stunning.  So much so that I doubted it was really the girl she had been describing to me.  I thought maybe she just found a picture of an attractive woman to show me as a joke, but no, it turns out it was really her and I was quite taken aback.  Of course I was even more interested now, but I didn’t know what to do.  Well, a week later I was told by my coworker that I should message her on Facebook and introduce myself, she would be expecting it.  Ok, I was nervous, but what did I have to lose?  If I send a message and get no response, no loss, and if I do get a response, great.  So I went home and sent off the most basic introductory note in Spanish I could.  No response.  Well, I should say, no immediate response.  Several days went by and I was sure I wasn’t going to hear back from her.  I was not terribly upset only because I had not really invested anything in this.  Then, a few days later, I actually got a response.  Now I was excited again.  I wrote back and we exchanged a few messages back and forth over the next few weeks.  Until yesterday, we had not spoken in real time.  I was trying not to be over eager, but yesterday when I signed onto Facebook, she was online at the same time so I rushed to say hello.

Now, of course there was that terrifying moment while I waited to see if she would respond or quickly sign off, and to my delight, we started talking.  And we talked.  And talked.  And talked for about five hours.  Yes, five hours.  Now, even if she has no intentions of a romantic relationship, who talks to someone online for five hours?  Well, I guess I do, and so does she, and I was absolutely thrilled.  I wrote entirely in Spanish and she told me several times how surprised she was at my ability with Spanish.  I imagine some of the hesitation to respond initially came from her doubts I would understand what she was saying.  Once we got comfortable going back and forth, we just talked and talked.  I learned quite a bit about her and her about me and I felt safer asking her to meet in person.  In fact, she said she was eager to meet face to face.  I didn’t want to pressure her, so we have not set a specific day to meet just yet, but my plan at the moment is to ask her tomorrow if she would like to go for a coffee on Saturday.  This will give me a chance to prepare and ask for advice from my coworkers beforehand, provided she says yes.

I have this terrible problem of getting my hopes up over things when it comes to women.  I know I say I would be ok if I had to settle for the single life, but in all honesty, anytime a chance presents itself I can’t help but start imaging my life if I were married and had kids someday.  She is 30 so I imagine she is in a similar situation.  I am sure she is happy with her life, but no doubt sees the potential of what could be if she were with someone.  The question no becomes, are we the ones for each other.  And this is where I have to be cautious.  I can’t pressure her into anything, but at the same time, if I wait too long she may think I am not seriously interested.  Now, despite avoiding specific relationship discussion, we both sort of made it clear that we are looking for an adult relationship, meaning long term and about more than physical desires.  Throughout the duration of our conversation, I found myself becoming more confident that she and I were on the same page regarding what we wanted, but I still have to be careful.  I told myself after our conversation that this woman was either going to make me very happy or very sad.

Oh well, I’ll stop here and possibly fill in more of the specific details of what we discussed in a later entry.  Of course if we do end up meeting in person in the meantime, I will be sure to have something to say about that as well.  Until then, good night.

~ by James on October 31, 2012.

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