One Year

Today is my very best friend’s one year anniversary.  Sometimes, through the course of everyday life, I forget about how wonderful that day was, obviously for her, but also for me.  No, we did not get married, but there was something special about that day for me, partly because I could see how happy she was and also because it gave me the opportunity to step away from my life for a moment and simply enjoy being with so many people I have loved over the years.

She and I have been friends since we were 15 and I hope with every ounce of sincerity I can muster that we stay friends for the rest of our lives.  I can not explain our friendship in a way anyone else could possibly understand, but just know she knows me in ways no one else ever will, and I like to think I know her pretty well also.  We have never, nor will we ever have any kind of romantic relationship, and to some, that seems odd.  As high school students, many teachers and counselors believed we were dating, and some even pushed for it, but the truth is, our friendship is much more important to me than what could have ended badly as an awkward high school romance.

After high school, I truly feared losing her along with many more of my high school friends, but thankfully, while yes, many went their separate ways, she and I remained close, regardless of the distance we found between us.  After college, she moved to the mid-west and this too worried me, but our bond never wavered and we maintained our friendship through the years.  Her wedding brought together many of those friends who I had thought I had lost forever.  Seeing them and being able to share a table with them and laugh just as we had as teenagers brought me a sense of joy I had not felt, well, since being a teenager.  We had been apart, or at least not together on any sort of regular basis for 12 years, yet it felt like not a second had passed as we sat together and made ridiculous jokes and made more noise than any other table at the wedding.  Sure, some had married and some even had children, but we were still the same people and I owe it all to my best friend.

As she celebrates with her husband, I can’t help but miss her.  I wish she lived closer and I wish we talked more, but the fact is, she is married and I must yield to her husband at all times.  I am not jealous and I think he is a great guy and I see that he treats her well, and that is all I could wish for her, but at the same time, it is difficult when those moments arise when I want to call her and yet I know better than to do it.  I did send her a Happy Anniversary text, which I feel is appropriate enough, but I would have liked the chance to talk to her one on one.  There used to be those moments, when a song came on the radio, when I could text her or call her, just because a lyric reminded me of our friendship.  While occasionally I still will do that, I have to refrain for the most part, and that may be the most difficult part of our friendship.  My feelings for her as a friend haven’t changed but I worry she will think I am avoiding her by not sending her messages like I used to.  I suppose it is just a fact of life that while we will always be friends, the actions of our friendship will change.

It’s no secret that my greatest desire is to find that one special person to spend my life with, but as the days pass, I fear my chances grow slimmer and slimmer.  Sometimes I tell myself not to worry about things like that, as perhaps I can have a happy full life without ever getting married, however, when I see the smiles on the faces of my friends and family who have gotten married, I can’t help but feel a slight emptiness inside.  I try to be patient and I try to simply be myself in the hopes someday someone will see in me what it seems my best friend has seen.  In any case, in honor of her one year anniversary, I felt it appropriate to write a little something.  I hope she has a great day and I hope to talk to her soon.  Until next time…..

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~ by James on June 8, 2013.

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