And Now…….We Wait

As a reader of this insanity, you benefit from the fact you don’t really have to wait for the outcome of my stories, as you can simply scroll from one entry to the next.  In other words, you didn’t have to live the days between this entry and my previous one, therefore you didn’t have to go through the turmoil I put myself through over women, dates, and  Today was the culmination of the events that have transpired in previous entries and hopefully the beginning of something much more interesting and much more satisfying.  Here goes the story.

I went on and on in one entry over getting my hopes up over a women whose profile I saw on and then went on to retract much of what I said in the next entry only to find myself here today trying to sort it all out in my head.  Here it goes.

Anne.  That’s her name.  Well, Annelore, which is a name I have never heard before, but I like it.  In any case, we’ll go with Anne.  As I said before, I had mustered the courage to ask her out for coffee and much to my delight, she accepted.  It took a few back and forth’s to get it all straightened out, but we managed to settle on this afternoon as a good time to meet up.  I was doing all right for most of the day until about 12:30.  I was at work, trying to keep my mind focused on work and not what I was going to talk about with her, but right around 12:30, my stomach felt like someone had dropped a ball of lead into it and I couldn’t help but get anxious.  For a few seconds, I thought to myself, “I can’t do this, I can’t do this,” but come on, I’m 32 years old, not 15.  If I can’t do this, I don’t deserve a girlfriend.

So, finally, 3:00 rolls around and I get out of work as fast as I can.  I take a quick shower, thrown on my Sunday best, and decide I should get there before her and scout out the terrain.  I had suggested we sit outside so I thought it would be a good idea to claim some seats.  Unfortunately, several other people had the same idea and there were no seats available outdoors.  It’s a shame, as it was a beautiful day today.  I go inside, where the seats are plentiful and find a table for two where I can see the door.  Right at 4:00, as suggested, in she walks.  I knew it was her instantly, which made me happy as I always fear I won’t recognize people outside of their internet photos.  I was glad she came right at 4:00.  Every second past four would have made me more and more nervous.  I was a little worried at first, as I had chosen to wear my somewhat nicer clothes and she wore a more gym oriented outfit.  She had an appointment with her trainer at the gym after our chat, so I guess that’s suitable attire, but I worried she would think i was a fool for over dressing.  We made no mention of clothing.

We did talk about a lot of other things in random succession.  Some topics were bland, others more intriguing, but for the most part, I think we both played it a little safe, which now I wonder if maybe i should have been more straight forward.  I tried to be calm and relaxed, and we both laughed quite a bit which I took as a good sign, but now I have to see where things go.

I asked her if she would like to have dinner with me sometime and she said yes, to which of course I was happy but I am still nervous, even though everything seemed to go well, that she will decide I am not the one for her.  Ok, look, I realize we talked for all of an hour and a half and you really shouldn’t plan your future with someone based on the initial ninety minutes, but I always worry that perhaps I missed a chance to really impress her or say just the right thing so she knows exactly what my intentions are.  We talked a little about what we were each looking for and I think we are both on the same page, at least I feel confident that what she is seeking is similar to what I am seeking, but I worry maybe she did not get that impression from me.

She had absolutely no flaw that I could find, at least when it comes to what I am attracted to.  She is about 5’2″, which comes up to my shoulders.  Perfect.  She is in great shape and well toned, but not ripped like a  guy or anything.  She has blue eyes and a great smile and she smiles a lot.  She is sarcastic like me and a few times we even made the same stupid jokes.  I can tell she is close with her family and like me, she has a close circle of friends who are important to her.  She is not looking to be smothered, but wants to find someone to spend time with and I think that’s what I am really searching for too.  Yes, at age 32 the idea of marriage and family obviously comes into play, but I would be totally satisfied just to have someone to watch TV with at night once in a while.  She lives alone, like me, and I asked her how she felt about it, and like me, she is content with it, but certainly wouldn’t mind company occasionally.  Right now, I am sitting by my sliding door that overlooks the street and while it is not exactly a picturesque view, it would be nice to just sit quietly with someone and enjoy the evening.

I can’t be stupid and pushy because clearly that is not what she wants, but if i don’t hear from her by Thursday I think I will just send  her something short and to the point to say that I would like to see her again.  We did hug as we said our good byes this afternoon, which was encouraging to me, but I still have to be cautious as I can be broken over something like this so easily.  I am not so sure I can handle one more rejection.  I know I have said this in the past, but each time I get my hopes up over a woman and I am hurt, i build up a wall even thicker to break through to get to me.  I don’t want to build anymore walls.  I want to find the one who helps me break down those walls, and no there is no way I can know if this is going in that direction or not, but I’d like to think we got off to a good start.  And now, I just have to wait…..


~ by James on August 6, 2013.

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