The Perils Of Online Dating

So, like so many others who won’t admit to it, I find myself signed up for a subscription to  This is not my first foray into the online dating world; no, my first attempt at this came about five years ago while I was still working two jobs.  I was probably three years out of my last and only real relationship and between working seven days a week and living alone, I realized that finding a girlfriend, or even a date for that matter, was going to be tricky.  I seem to recall possibly signing up for something even before then, E Harmony I believe, but I did not actually meet anyone until  I should have known after this first failed experience that going at it a second time would be risky, but for some reason about two weeks ago I felt the need to seek out a mate, even if that meant subjecting myself to more outright rejection.

The first time around I was basically testing the waters, not truly convinced finding a date online was going to work out.  While I E mailed a few women, the end result was disappointment and the resolution that I would never again pay for a dating service.  Well, when five years pass and I still have not gone on a date with anyone I would consider marriage material, I decided, in a moment of haste, that I would do it again, but this time I would take it more seriously.  I re-activated my account and made some necessary changes to my profile and immediately sought out women in the surrounding area.  After the first two days, I started to lose hope.  I was certain by then I had already browsed through any profiles of women who might fit with me and I started to fear that the next six months were going to be very expensive and very disappointing.  Much to my surprise, however, day three or four brought a change.  I stumbled across a profile of a woman, Anne, who fit the description of what I was looking for and I really thought she seemed more down to earth than the other women who I had viewed.  It took a bit of courage on my part, but I sent her a “wink” which she replied to with a wink of her own.  Now, it was a matter of sending a real E mail, which I did.

I did not receive a response right away and thought that maybe she wasn’t interested after all, and I figured I would move on.  While I found her attractive, more so than many of the other women I had come across, I wasn’t going to let myself get hung up on her…..until I did.  You see, she did respond eventually, and after some back and forth, we agreed to meet for coffee.  Suddenly, my skepticism towards online dating began to wane and I thought to myself, “Hey, this might work.”  I tried not to be too hopeful, as I have been let down so many times, but it was hard not to envision wonderful things knowing I had a date with someone who, presumably was at least as attracted to me as I was to her.

Our coffee date lasted an hour and a half, and by all measures, it went well.  We talked about a variety of topics, and while there were maybe two moments of awkward silence, we fought through it and had, what I would call a nice time.  I was brimming with optimism until it came time to part ways.  This was when the first red flag went up in a hurry.  I had included my phone number in an E mail to her, so I awkwardly tried to get her’s before we ended the date.  While she did not refuse, she danced around it and managed to convince me she was going to call me.  I knew she had a busy weekend coming up, so I did my best to be patient and not push anything, but I decided a short, simple E mail thanking her for going out was in order and would give me a good feel for what the future held.

Well, apparently, the future held nothing, as she did not reply to that E mail, nor a second E mail sent a few days later.  Obviously, after mulling around for a few days I simply accepted the fact that she was not going to talk to me anymore, even though I could not figure out why, and I decided to move on, not yet ready to give up on yet.  Of course now I am a little bitter and it makes it much easier for me to ignore any profiles I come across that don’t truly wow me.  It seems they left something out of the whole online dating experience, and that was how easy it is to simply ignore the people you don’t want to talk to.

I wanted to E mail Anne and tell her it would have been appreciated if she simply said she was not interested instead of letting me putz around for a week wondering if maybe it was all in my head.  No no, I was right all along, she wanted nothing to do with me.  I still don’t really know why.

So my plan now is to simply seek out any women between the ages of say 23 and 35 who live within ten miles of me and send them winks until at least one responds.  I guess right now the trick to online dating is quantity over quality, which is kind of sad.  The thing that really gets me about the whole scene is how it is not just Anne who can so easily ignore me, but any woman on the site.  I have initiated contact with probably four or five women since beginning this torturous process and no matter how well things seemed to be going, at some point they all simply vanished.  I don’t think I did anything to scare them off, but it seems it is easier to simply go away than say, “No thank you.”  I mean, surely I am not the only guy sending them messages, so while I understand and accept this, couldn’t they at least say, “Hey, I am seeing someone else right now, but thanks for saying Hi.”  Even if it were a lie, it’s better than nothing, which leave me thinking I am some kind of troll that repulses all women at some point.

It’s not like I am contacting supermodels either.  For the most part, the profiles that interest me are the simple, cute girls, who seem to be legitimately looking for love, not some random hook up.  I am not interested in the tall blonde who has ten photos of her and her slut friends at the local bar in her profile.  The cute girl in the wool winter cap appeals to me more than the girl with the fake tan in a bikini.  It’s really kind of damaging to my self esteem when all I say is, “Hi, nice to meet you,” and I get no response.  I mean, I have a few guidelines of my own regarding who I will and will not talk to, so yeah, I have done my share of ignoring, but I made it a point to respond to anyone who actually E mails me.  Winks I can ignore.  Unless the woman is morbidly obese, a chain smoker, or a single mom, I will respond.  While I understand we all have different bodies, if I can’t get my arms around you, it’s not going to work.  Smoking I just find disgusting, and while I understand things happen and sometimes women have children, it is not the kind of situation I want to find myself in.  I know how it feels to have a strange man come over to the house and I did not like it as a child.  Also, my hopes are to have children of my own someday and that is something I want to share with someone who only wants to share it with me.  I don’t think that’s a lot to ask for.

So what’s going to happen?  I honestly don’t know.  It’s easy to say my life will go on as it always has with no true success with women, but given I have this subscription for six months, I really hope something will come of it.  I’d really like to find a woman who is willing to accept that she won’t know the real me after, say, an hour and a half and a cup of coffee, and is willing to go on a second and even a third date.  I know I don’t necessarily have a lot to offer in the way of money, gifts, luxury of that sort, but deep down I’d like to think I am a decent person who has something more to give than material possessions.  I don’t know, maybe I would be better off getting a fake tan, a pair of sunglasses, and hanging out at the local bars.  There has to be someone in a five to ten mile radius who’d like to be happy with a guy like me.  Right?


~ by James on August 14, 2013.

4 Responses to “The Perils Of Online Dating”

  1. I ventured ito myself but i guess i just don’t have the patience to wait for a response and all that worrying isn’t good for me. Good luck to you! I hope everything works out!

  2. Hey! Honestly, don’t fret too much from online dating. It’s not some magical thing that totally works for absolutely everyone. It simply is what it is: Which is a SHIT TON of trial and error. Legit, like a ton, a boat load, whatever you want to call it. I’ve been on my fair share of dates this way and although I haven’t made it past date #1, I haven’t really given up. I just try to not try so hard and I keep my expectations of how the dates are going to go pretty low. It’s hard to know if you’re seriously attracted to someone from pictures and a few messages. When they’re standing there-like, really in your face, that’s how you’ll know if you’re attracted or not. Online dating is just a sure-fire way of getting to meet someone sober. Don’t give up, and don’t ever think you’re a troll or not good enough for women. You just didn’t spark those particular womens’ interest. But you will-for absolute cerealness.

    • Hey, thanks for the positive reinforcement, I kind of needed it, haha….it’s funny, even though you are totally right, it’s hard not to get down on yourself, and I was going to say it makes me feel like I am some kind of troll or something, then you said ” Don’t give up, and don’t ever think you’re a troll or not good enough for women” and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud. I’ll keep plugging along…thanks!

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