Could It Be?

Just when I thought it was safe to let my guard down, along comes Melissa.

I had gotten past my frustration over Anne and my anger over those that run and hide when they hear the word McDonald’s and was ready to take it easy for a while when I come across Melissa’s profile.  She, like Anne, lives very close by and has a great smile.  I liked her photos and decided to read over her profile.  She’s a teacher who coaches the cheer leading squad after school.  In other words, she works a lot and likes to be involved in her community.  Unlike so many other women on that site who are really just looking for someone to take care of them, I got the sense that she, like me, was not looking for a care taker, but rather someone to relax with at the end of the day and just open up to.  I went back and forth, arguing with myself as to whether or not I should take another chance.  The emotional side said, “No, you need a break from this,” while my logical side said, “What’s one more chance?”  I mean, the idea is the more shots you take, the more points you score, right?  So, like the suave guy that I am, I sent a “Wink” her way, hoping she would respond.  It wasn’t a message or anything like that, just an acknowledgement that I was interested.  She sent a “wink” back, but still I was hesitant.  Finally, after mustering up a little courage, I braced myself for further rejection and sent her a message.

I was thrilled she wrote back, but still cautiously optimistic over it all, as I wasn’t really eager to get my hopes up again just to be torn back down.  We exchanged a few E mails, and I was pleased at how it all was going, then we exchanged phone numbers.  To me, that was a big step, as Anne never gave me her number.  We started texting back and forth the other day and we have now talked on the phone several times.  We are meeting in person for the first time tomorrow but I feel like things are already progressing towards an actual relationship.  I know I am probably moving too fast, but unlike past situations, I feel as if she and I are moving at the same pace, even if it is a little quick.  Without sounding desperate (OK, that’s becoming harder and harder to do) I think we both are tired of the pregame foreplay and are ready to settle into something real without all the silly details of first date jitters, second date awkwardness, meeting the family, blah blah blah.  We have established that we are attracted to one another, we have talked on the phone enough to know how our personalities interact and we have both stated what our long term goals are.  Without sounding like I am signing a contract with the NFL, I think we are both headed in the same direction and want the same things out of life.  She even commented to me about her desire to have a baby.  I don’t plan on having a baby before I am married, but if we feel we are right for one another, I imagine the marriage would come relatively soon, followed by a baby.

OK, I will step back for just a second.  I know, I am talking about marrying someone I have not even met in person yet.  Crazy?  Probably, but at the same time, let’s be honest.  I am 32, she is 31.  We both want a partner and we both want kids.  Unless we discover something terribly wrong with one of us, I see this heading down that path.  I don’t want to sound like I am simply settling for whatever comes along, but I don’t want to let her get away by taking forever to make a decision.  Like I said, we are going for coffee tomorrow and I think it best to steer the conversation towards those things.  None of this, “So, what’s your favorite movie?” type of conversation.  It is going to be more like, “So, when do you think we should move in together?”  I know, I know, that’s a lot, but she actually already mentioned to me that her lease is up in February and without coming out and saying it, I know what we were both thinking.  In fact, I got the sense she wanted me to suggest something, but I wasn’t going to do that over the phone.

Neither one of us is drowning in money, but together I am sure we would do well for ourselves.  She pays her portion of the rent where she lives now and I imagine if she and I ended up sharing a place, she would do the same, giving us both the chance to put a little money aside for once.  One of my biggest fears was becoming a parent without enough income to raise the child properly.  Watching my brother become a dad this month reminded me of how expensive it really can be, but I feel very confident with Melissa that together we could do it.

I know there is still a lot to do and a lot to be sure of.  I know I get myself all wrapped up in these things time and time again, but listening to her talk made me feel like for once I have found someone who has the same perspective on life as me.  She is a hard worker and dedicated to her job and has a schedule that will force the two of us to truly budget our time together, but I think that is the best way to start.  She will often be busy on Friday nights and I always work Friday nights, so there should not be any animosity over not seeing one another on Friday.  I will still be available on weekends, but we both have to get up early Monday morning, so we can still see each other while being able to part ways fairly early.  As far as during the week, I imagine we can work out one night where we can hang out together uninterrupted, and I think that will be best for both of us.  I obviously still want the opportunity to spend time with my friends when I can and she will need time to be with her friends and family as well.  I am not looking for a relationship where we have to be together 24/7.  I did that once and it nearly drove me insane.

I tossed and turned last night until after two in the morning thinking this all through.  I had half our lives planned out in advance, and I know I do that with everything, but I can’t avoid it.  Hell, I was even planning the seating arrangements for the wedding!  I have wanted this for so long, I really feel  like I am jumping in head first and it could be dangerous, I know, but I am tired of living cautiously.  I am always a step behind the rest of my generation because I hesitate to make a choice.

In all honesty, it has been very hard for me not to try to see her before tomorrow.  I almost invited her to stop by my place last night on her way home, but thought better of it, only because I want to tidy up the place a bit before showing it to her.  While I don’t get the sense she is anything like other women when it comes to material possessions I still want to make my place seem a little more, I don’t know, appealing to her.  I am probably going to spend a ton of cash tomorrow for little things to spruce the place up.  I am not opposed to spending money on things for my place, especially if it makes the place more appealing to both of us, but I should be careful not to go too crazy.  Again, we haven’t even met face to face yet.

I need to get going now, but there is something very comforting in knowing there is someone out there who likes sending me messages and is eager to see me in person.  I truly hope this all goes the way we want it to, and of course, as always, I will keep the world informed on how it all progresses.  Until next time…

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~ by James on September 4, 2013.

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