A Night Out

For once, social anxiety did not get the better of me and I managed to go out and have a good time with two old friends of mine who I realized I missed quite a bit.  In addition, I learned some useful information that may either help me with Sara or persuade me to move on with my life.  Now, let me save you the suspense.  I am not simply going to move on with my life.  That would be too easy.  No no, certainly I will use my newfound information to further incur pain upon my already fragile heart.  Let’s review my evening.

Paul and Jess were friends of mine many years ago at McDonald’s.  Besides just hanging out at work, we used to go to a little bar on the outskirts of downtown every Friday night after work.  It wasn’t much, but for an hour or two every Friday night, i felt alive, like a normal person doing normal people things.  I could forget I was technically their boss, and along with a few other friends/employees, we’d have a few drinks and a few good laughs before heading home.  Back in 2008, all those things changed for me.  I often refer to 2008 as the worst year of my life, and I am truly beginning to see how awful it was.  2008 saw an end to my social life, as work took over and I became the hermit I am today.  But this entry is not about that.  I want to talk about Jess, Paul, and obviously, Sara.

Despite not having much time to go out and enjoy my life since 2008, I still managed to stay in touch with both Jess and Paul over the years.  It helps that they live together.  In any case, Paul turned 29 a few weeks back and this, along with a few other things in my life, spawned a lot of what has been going through my head lately.  It wasn’t his birthday specifically that inspired me to message Sara, but it was one of several things.  Oh, and in case you haven’t been following along, Jess is Sara’s big sister.  Yes, Jess and Paul know of my attempts to go out with Sara, but until tonight, we had never discussed it.  In fact, I wasn’t even sure Paul knew about it, although I was fairly certain he did.  Anyway, while the idea of Sara was running around my head, I really just wanted to go out with the two of them because I had not seen either of them in some time.  I had invited them out for a drink last week, but Paul wasn’t feeling well so we had to reschedule for this week.  I got there around 7:30 and we had some drinks, they ate their dinner, and we talked.  Plenty of time went by and no mention was made of Sara, and honestly, I didn’t think she would be mentioned.  Then, Paul asked me, “So, James, how’s your love life?” to which Jess quickly interrupted and said, “No, more importantly, did my sister respond to you?”  Clearly, they had been planning this discussion all along.

Since I had finished off two drinks before the topic even came up, I thought I was in the clear, but now it had to be discussed.  The question was, would I reveal all of my true feelings, or would I play it cool?  Well, in the end, it was a combination of both, but I feel what I learned about Sara was far more important than what I revealed of myself.  surprisingly, to me at least, was Paul’s initial reaction.  “Stay away,” he cautioned me.  Apparently he finds her to be a bit, well, nuts.  I am not entirely surprised, as she, like me, is the middle child, but according to both Jess and Paul, she is prone to mood swings which are not fun to deal with.  Many time people will say they can handle that in a person, but I dated a girl who too was prone to frequent mood swings, and it wasn’t fun.  Does that mean I am smart enough to stay away?  Of course not, but at least if I continue pursuing her, I’ll know what I am getting myself into.

Jess simply cautioned me to be prepared for her to be vicious.  Apparently she can be a little overbearing sometimes.  Now, to be fair, most people aren’t privileged to this type of information and they walk blindly into a situation and are surprised by what they get.  My choice to make now is to accept these rather extreme personality traits or walk away without taking any further risks.  Obviously, the safe and smart thing for me to do, the thing that would prevent me any further emotional damages, would be to walk away and forget I ever had feelings for her.  However, one, I am extremely stubborn, so now I simply want to work harder to get her, and two, it really isn’t fair to her that the three of us talked about her tonight while she wasn’t there.  Not that she is going to give me a chance necessarily, but I’m kind of giving myself an unfair advantage be receiving info from them without talking to her first.

I tried not to get my hopes up, but I did ask Jess what she thought I should do should I decide to continue on this fateful mission.  She said I should not expect her to reply to my messages, so her next thought was to give me her phone number.  I vetoed this idea immediately.  That’s just creepy, and it’s very doubtful she would answer anyway.  She then suggested the next time we hang out she bring Sara along.  Of course this would be the easiest way for she and I to talk, but I don’t know.  I wouldn’t want her to feel like we set her up.  I know how that feels and it would piss me off.  Apparently she is not the romantic type, at least not outwardly, so dropping a bouquet of flowers at her job doesn’t strike me as a very good idea.  I am trying to work out something I could do as a gesture she would like but would not come across as overly lovey-dovey but would still appear, i don’t know, sweet and caring.  I thought of trying to do something involving the Warrior Dash she competed in but I am not sure what I could do that she would appreciate.  I thought of a plaque or something with one of her pictures from the race.  I don’t know, that may be costly and over the top.

In any case, at the end of the night, my hopes were not entirely dashed and I even felt a little confident that if I were given the chance to just talk to her face to face, I may be able to convince her I am not like all the other losers who harass her, but I have to do it in a confident yet not overbearing way.  I will get to work on a plan and let you now what happens.  Until then, I’m out of here.

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~ by James on October 24, 2013.

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