Worry Free Is How I Want To Be

I know not many people would believe this, but I am actually a lot less worried today than I was as a child.  As a kid, I worried about everything.  I didn’t know back then that it wasn’t healthy to worry so much.  My mother used to say I would give myself ulcers, back when I had no idea what ulcers were.  Want an example?  OK, as a kid of, who knows, seven or eight years old, I became terrified of death.  I wasn’t worried about dying at that precise moment, rather I was terrified knowing the fact that our lives were finite.  I don’t know when or even how I became aware of this fact, but I would sit up at night, often rustling around enough that my mother would have to come to my room and comfort me.  My poor younger brother, with whom I shared a room had to sit and listen as I sniffled and babbled on, questioning why to my mother who really was not prepared to answer the questions of life’s great mysteries to her eight year old son, who should have been dreaming about Hotwheels and ice cream.

Of course, over time, I came to accept the eventuality of death, although I will admit even today it bothers me a little knowing it will all end someday.  I don’t like to think about it any more than anyone else likes to think about it, but sometimes it creeps into my mind and it depresses me just a bit.  I mean, wouldn’t you be depressed knowing you only have a limited time left here?  Anyway, my point in this is not to discuss death, but rather discuss my acceptance of the world around me and the fact that sometimes things simply will not go as planned, and that’s OK too.  I’ve been hitting on the whole theme of materialism lately, whether it be my disgust for those who live overly extravagant lives or the fact that I sort of fell into that very trap by purchasing a new laptop and upgrading my telephone.  Now, to be fair, the phone cost me nothing, at least upfront, and my monthly bill has only increased marginally and within my budget.  The laptop was not a necessity at the moment I bought it, but it was an upcoming expense that I felt was justified to make a little early as I thought I had found a great bargain.  That remains to be seen, but I digress.

What I want to talk about is the thoughts that have been going through my brain lately and a few realizations I have made.  I may have mentioned some of the initial troubles I was having, both because of the phone and the laptop.  I was getting frustrated with both and I had to step back and remind myself there are more important things to worry about than MP3s and all that silliness.  When all was said and done, my life was no worse off than it had been before.  As of this evening, the problems I had have all been dealt with, at least for the time being, and there was never really any reason to get my blood pressure up over any of it.  I am not a very patient person and I don’t like waiting for things, especially when those things are solutions to problems, however, I have  been working very hard on consciously making an effort to stay calm, even in the face of aggravation.  It’s not always easy as I tend to have a short fuse, but I am trying very hard to stay calm at all times, even when it would be very easy for me to fly off the handle.  I had to step back a few times at work today and remind myself there was no reason to get upset over the little things, and I think overall, I had a pretty good day.

Sometimes I really think it is all these toys and gadgets that we make for ourselves that are supposedly intended to make our lives simpler that are creating all this stress we feel daily.  We have our smart phones, our laptops, our tablets, all these things that connect us instantly to all the information we could ever want and yet have no way to process all at once.  All these things only serve to make our lives more stressful.  What happens when our cell phone battery dies and we don’t have a charger?  The wi-fi is down, now what?  I forgot my password, I have to create a new account.  None of this makes our lives easier.  In fact, I bet the most stress free people are the people with the fewest of these supposed necessities.  Sometimes I think I would be better off living on an island away from all this technology.  All I would need would be a roof over my head, food on my plate, and some clothes to keep me warm.  Take me away from all this interconnected stuff and let me live a simple life.  Honestly, I think it would be better for all of us.  Of course I say this now after I have been exposed to all these things.  Once you’ve had it, you can’t give it up.  How could I go on living without my iTunes?  I almost had a breakdown over potentially losing 600 songs.  (I didn’t lose them by the way.)  What really would have changed in my life if I had lost those songs.  Would I have been unable to go on?  I certainly hope not.  What would happen to me if I closed my Facebook account?  Probably not much.

Yes, it’s nice to have neat little trinkets to play with, but only if you don’t let those things consume you and who you are.  When I showed up at work with my new phone, I was the talk of the town. (The crew had no idea my iPhone was an older, refurbished model, not the newest, greatest piece of technology ever invented.)  I was amazed how interesting I became by simply having a new piece of technology.  If I were a more daring person, I would have considered throwing it on the floor just to see how they reacted.  It’s just a phone after all.  In any case, I guess my point is, I am trying to find a balance between being stress free while still keeping up with the folks next door so to speak.  I guess I’ll let you know how it goes.

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~ by James on December 8, 2013.

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