Talking Gets You Nowhere

Here we are, four days into 2014 and I’m already questioning my resolve.  Resolution comes from the word resolve, right?  I didn’t make many specific resolutions for the year, rather I tossed out a few ideas that ultimately would lead me to fulfill my quest of going to Spain in May of 2016, just a week after I turn 35.  The point of it all was to force myself onto a path of no return.  All too often in my life I have made bold statements regarding goals I want to accomplish only to give myself too many escape routes.  I’ve wanted to do so many things that simply never came to fruition I’ve decided this year has to be the year I get my shit together, stop talking, and start doing.  I know, I’ve given myself a two year window to fail, but I needed to be practical as well as determined.

I talked quite a bit about my goals in my last entry, so I’ll spare you the repetitive details, however it should be noted that I have stumbled out of the gates to say the least.  I went for coffee with my best friend this afternoon and we were both in agreement that I am well known for talking a big talk but never truly walking the big walk.  I did take a big step this morning and I finally sent my boss’s wife the details of my plan.  She responded tonight that she is excited to help me, she thinks it’s a great idea, and she wants to meet for drinks to discuss it.  I knew bringing this to her attention would be a huge step for me, as I know she is the type to really push people to follow their dreams and aspirations.  My one concern is that she may try to push me to go through with it before I am entirely prepared.  I made my timeline specifically so I could prepare myself both mentally and more importantly financially before jumping on a plane.  The last thing I want to do is put myself deeper in debt by taking this trip.  My plan right from the beginning was to save the money I needed so that I would not have to bring credit cards or other such nonsense into the fold.

The big obstacle for me to overcome in all of this is fear.  I have a lot of fear, whether rational or irrational, and I need to spend the next two years, three months, and twenty-seven days overcoming these fears, or at least dealing with them in a way that allows me to get spend a few thousand dollars (fear), get on a plane for like eight hours (big fear), and spend a month alone in a country full of people who don’t speak English (bigger fear).  I know I have to do this on my own.  My best friend offered to come with me, but that’s just another escape route I need to avoid.  This is a challenge I am issuing to myself and I need to do it, start to finish, by myself.  Yes, I need the support of others, but I have to raise the money myself, I have to take the trip myself, and I have to get through it on my own.

While taking this trip is the end result of all of this, the outcome is supposed to be me becoming fluent in Spanish.  Between now and May of 2016, I plan on writing as much as I can in my Spanish blog.  Clearly, when I need to just get my thoughts out, I’ll be here, rambling on and on in English, and I’ll certainly chronicle my journey here as well, but ideally, Tres Meses Hasta Exito will remain my main source of written practice and the place I update my progress the most.  I suppose the title is a bit outdated, but I am not changing it now.

My camcorder should arrive Wednesday of the coming week and I intend on spending a good portion of Thursday acclimating myself to it and making some test videos.  One rule I have set for myself is that I am only allowed to narrate in Spanish when recording.  Obviously if I am talking to an English speaker it wouldn’t be very nice of me to speak in Spanish to them, however I am going to do my best to use only Spanish when recording.  One of my failures in my past attempts to record videos was that I would immediately stop if I made a mistake or couldn’t think of the right word to use.  That’s not the way to do this I have decided.  Once I start recording, I’ll continue recording despite errors and pauses and I will simply teach myself how to edit the videos later on.  I’m hoping I’ll see significant improvement in my video making skills over the next two years so upon heading across the ocean I’ll know what I want to do and how to do it.  While practicing here at home, I want to produce a five to ten minute video each week, meaning I will use whatever I record during the week as footage and edit it down to a polished video.  I have a YouTube channel where I can post the videos and decide if I want them to be public or not.  I think what I will do is keep them all private initially and once I feel comfortable with my progress, I will make them public so that I might get some feedback from native Spanish speakers and maybe even some advice from people who have traveled to Spain before.  I’ll have to learn about adding tags and all that stuff, but all in due time.

While in Spain, I would like to make daily videos, but obviously it would be difficult to sit down and edit them each and every day, so I would like to work on them one night a week while there and then do significant editing upon returning home.  I think it’s funny I am talking about what I would like to do two years from now, as I have done nothing more than talk about this trip and buy a camcorder that I do not have yet.  I guess I really am getting myself into the mindset that I can do this.  This is going to be the biggest challenge I have ever faced and it will be my biggest failure if I don’t go through with it.  Wish me luck, as now I’m off to write a bit in Spanish.  Follow me there if you like.

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~ by James on January 4, 2014.

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