A Little Bit Of This, A Little Bit Of That

So ten days into 2015, I can say that my goals have been going, well, so-so.  I’ve been doing well as far as keeping track of what I do on a daily basis, but that’s not to say I have been keeping up with each goal daily.  Let me explain.  With my fascination with lists and keeping things organized, I developed a color coded system of keeping track of my progress.  I mark five circles of different colors, each one signifying a specific goal, on my calendar everyday and when I complete a task related to one of the circles, I color it in.  I have yet to color in all five circles in one day, with my best being four and my worst being two.  All in all, given what I know of myself, I am doing pretty well.  At least if I am not completing every task every day I can still see how I am doing overall.  For example, although I didn’t color in my circle for going to the gym today, I was able to see that I still went to the gym four times this week, which is pretty good for me.  I can also see that while I started the year doing well as far as making short videos of me talking in Spanish, I slacked off this week and need to get back on track.  As much as I don’t really want to, I am going to try to make one tonight before I go to bed.  Some days I just don’t feel like talking, whether in English or in Spanish and it makes making these videos difficult.  I know I can talk to others in Spanish, but when it comes to facing a camera, sometimes I just can’t make myself do it.  In the past, I found after a cup of coffee I had enough excited energy to ramble on about nothing for at least five or ten minutes in Spanish, but I really don’t want to get all hyped up on caffeine tonight just for the sake of making a five minute video.  Maybe if I have an iced tea with dinner that will do the trick.

I was off from work today and determined not to stay in the house.  I knew my friend wasn’t around to spend the afternoon with so I tried to think of something to do early on so I wouldn’t waste the day staring at my computer screen.  The weather, albeit cold, was much nicer today than the past few days which helped considerably.  I’ve noticed that the winter months depress me greatly, especially on days that are cold, cloudy, windy, and dark.  Days like this take me back to when I was a young boy and I had to wait for a ride home from school.  I would walk around the deserted campus in the afternoon with the cold wind blowing at my face and as the sun set I found myself eventually sitting alone in the dark waiting for the headlights of my mothers car to creep up the roadway.  Even going back further to when I was a boy of only 8 or 9, I would often play outside on dreary days like this and feel how lonely the world was.  In any case, today, the sun was shining brightly and I was happy to go out for a bit.  I decided I should look for a travel kit of toiletries I will need while in Spain.  Surely there are grocery stores and pharmacies over there just like we have here, but I decided I would rather have at least a small amount of things I will need so that I can avoid spending any unnecessary money while there.  I was happy to find a good deal of things  wanted for only about $25.  I am really starting to feel how close this trip is and it is finally becoming a reality in my mind.  Even though I have been talking about it every single day since I first settled on doing it, there were always times it felt like a fantasy or something that was never really going to happen.  Today, with only 111 days until my plane leaves, it is really starting to feel real.

People have started asking me, “Are you nervous?” which bothers me only because I am not nervous until they ask me this question.  Yes, I have butterflies in my stomach, and yes, sometimes I question what I am doing, but I know for certain the positives of this trip outweigh any negatives and I have to go through with it.  When it’s all said and done, it will be a month of my life that will change and yet not change so many things about me.  A month is not a very long time in the grand scheme of things, and while yes, it will be a tremendous experience that I am sure I will talk about for just as long as I have been talking about going now, when I am back, nothing drastic will really have changed.  I will still live in my apartment, I will still go to work five days a week and I will still do my best to spend time with my friends and family.  Sure, I have said this trip, along with some of the other things I have planned for the year will help me make some subtle changes to my life, but overall I will still be the same person.  Hopefully, I will be the same person but also have the ability to speak fluently in Spanish.

While writing more often in this blog was not one of my specific new years goals, I think it is important for me to continue to get my thoughts and feelings out in English just as often as in Spanish.  Sometimes I feel like if I am not doing something in Spanish I am not progressing, but I have to stop living my life believing there is a “finish line.”  Everyday is an opportunity to learn, and I have to take advantage of that, but I also have to remember to live my life without focusing every second on speaking Spanish or my trip to Spain.  Sure, it’s a huge part of my life, but there has to be more to me than that.  I think in addition to posting very often in Spanish while I am in Spain, it would be good for me to also write here in this blog in English about my experiences while in Spain.

In any case, it’s about time for me to make myself something for dinner, and as I said, perhaps afterwards I’ll muster up the courage to talk to the camera a bit.  We’ll see.  I would like to color in the dot on my calendar.  If all else fails, I can always fall back on reading one of my Spanish blog entries out loud to the camera.  That’s all for now.  We’ll talk more soon.  Bye.



~ by James on January 10, 2015.

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