Is This Really Happening?

Sometime in 2014, I came up with the idea that I wanted to travel to Spain.  I had always wanted to visit a Spanish speaking country once I became so enamored with the language, but I had never really given much thought to an actual trip abroad.  I suppose a lot of it had to do with my fear of spending money as well as my fear of flying, although I realize now that I sort of faked a fear of flying as an excuse not to do many things in my life.  It’s sad it took me so long to see this.  In any case, I always found ways to tell myself I couldn’t do things instead of that I could do things.  While the desire to travel to Europe was beginning to percolate in my brain, my subconscious continually found ways to discourage me.  Every now and again, despite my subconscious’s efforts to foil my plans, ideas got through and I started visualizing a trip to Spain.  At first, it was going to be for two weeks.  Then I added that I wanted to go alone.  Then I decided I wanted to live in a neighborhood, not in some touristy location.  I planned on speaking entirely in Spanish, refusing to use English unless in an emergency situation.  Two weeks abroad morphed into four and I put a date on the trip.  May of 2016 was supposed to be my journey to Spain.  I counted out how many days between then and May of 2016 and started posting obscure messages on Facebook, leaving simply a number as my status message.  I believe it started somewhere around 840 days.

The big change came when my friend Pattie suggested I make a bucket list after she noticed some of my less happy Facebook posts.  I almost let the idea slip me by, but then one night while sitting alone in my apartment, realizing my life was passing me by I messaged her, telling her I didn’t have much of a list but I had always wanted to see Spain.  She invited me out to dinner to discuss the plan and the most important thing I took away from that night, aside from a tremendous amount of confidence, was the fact that I could, and would plan the trip for May of 2015, not 2016.  There was no reason to draw it out so far, and given a timeline that long, it would have been very possible for me to simply give up on the idea and pretend it was never meant to happen.  For this, I am forever grateful to Pattie.  While there are many many people in my life who have been very supportive of me and encouraged me all along the way, were it not for that one night at Los Mariachi’s, my favorite Mexican restaurant, I would not be writing this today.

Today, instead of talking about a trip that would still be seven months away, I am talking about going back to Spain, not as a visitor, but as a resident of the country.  Instead of worrying about having enough money to survive on my own, I am going to live, yes live, with the most wonderful girl I have ever and will ever meet.  Thanks to taking a risk six months ago, I am ready to change my entire life to go live with Veronica in Spain.  She has come to visit me here in the United States, and we are absolutely certain we want to spend the rest of our lives together.  It’s been a wild ride and I can’t really even believe this is my life I am talking about.

For more than twenty years, I sort of drifted through life, rarely finding anything to interest me for more than a few months at a time.  I had found hobbies and interests that kept me content, but not happy.  I worked at a job I was good at, but wasn’t really receiving much praise or opportunities for advancement.  I liked my job, but always had the thirst for more.  This year I have done things to advance myself, but mostly all in the hopes that I can begin working in Madrid in a similar position to the one I have here.  Regardless of my employment status, I am moving to Spain.  Yes, I have to have employment as I apply for my visa and this can still be a little tricky, but given my experience with McDonald’s, it should not be terribly difficult to find a job, at least so that I can get the permission I need to work and reside in the country.  I know now that I can do anything and I don’t have to stay with McDonald’s forever, but it will be a huge help to me if I can be employed by them sooner rather than later.

Like my original plan, I had set aside a time too far off in the distance for when I wanted to move.  I had told Veronica we had to wait until April, nearly six months after we had spent a week together.  She hated this idea, as did I, but I felt it would be too difficult to move it up.  Well, last night, after a great deal of thought, I decided I want to be with her by February, not April.  I told her this morning and she was ecstatic.  I was thrilled that she was so happy, and I am certain we are both going to do whatever necessary so that we can be together as soon as possible.

I have never felt so strongly for someone before, and more importantly, I have never had someone feel so strongly for me in return.  It really is incredible to know there is someone out there who really wants to be with me, really wants to live together and start a family together.  Yes, we have talked about that too and there is no doubt we would like to have a child very soon.  She initially said she only wanted one, but has recently hinted that perhaps two children would be ideal.  I am eager to have at least one, and I imagine a second would be just as wonderful.

I am not really sure how I got here.  Just a few months back I was sitting on a bed in an apartment in Madrid, chatting with a girl named Veronica who was looking to practice her English a little bit.  Today, I am preparing paperwork to apply for a visa so that we can live together.  Sure, it has all gone really quickly, but never in my life have I felt so happy.  Even when I get frustrated at work, I pull out her picture and she makes me smile.  She has met my mother and they love each other.  My mom has given me her blessing to travel to Spain to be with Veronica, and of course this is very important to me as I would hate to do something that worried or troubled my family.  They have all been incredibly supportive of me and sometimes I feel like I must be in some kind of crazy dream as it all seems too far-fetched to be my life.  I never thought I could find this kind of happiness, and certainly I never thought I would find it in Spain, but she has my heart and I will do whatever it takes to be with her.

Veronica asked me tonight if I am prepared to live in Spain, and without hesitation, I said yes.  When I see her face, her eyes, her lips, I can’t imagine being anywhere but with her.  Yes, I am certainly going to miss my family and friends, but aside from those relationships, there is very little I have here that would ever prevent me from being with Veronica.  I have no real future here unless I plan on dedicating my life to McDonald’s, and I certainly won’t put McDonald’s over her.  Yes, I plan on staying with the company, but not here in the United States.  I’m certain I can bring my skills to Spain and be very successful, I just have to have the confidence that I have had in doing all this other stuff this year.

It has been a crazy year and it is far from over.  There still is a lot of planning to do, forms to fill out, and people to contact.  The thing is, by putting February as an end date, I have started moving and getting everything in order, rather than just talking about it.  Right now it’s just a matter of getting all the necessary paperwork together, and I hope to apply for the visa no later than January.  They will respond within a month of applying.  Veronica is going to help me get a flight and aside from that, I’ll be ready to go.

I am both happy and extremely proud that my life has suddenly become so interesting.  It is going to be a huge change, but trust me, I won’t fail to keep it updated here.  Until next time.

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~ by James on November 5, 2015.

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