The Hardest

This is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do.  It’s not easy to throw away the life you once had, even if it wasn’t that great of a life to begin with.  Quite a few things have changed since I last posted here, and I suppose now is as good a time as any to go over it.

My last entry focused a good deal on the frustrations of me attempting to get a Visa so I could live and work in Spain.  Well, the more Veronica and I discussed it, the more difficult it appeared to be.  We were both getting very frustrated at the idea that it could take months, even years to get the required paperwork just so she and I could be together.  Finally, in a moment of hope, I asked her this question.  “Let’s suppose hypothetically we were to be married.  Would this make things easier for us?”

When she responded that yes, things would be much easier for us if we were to be married, I nearly dropped my laptop.  I followed with this question.  “Did you think I was planning on moving across the planet to be with you if I didn’t intend on marrying you?”  She told me she didn’t want to pressure me.  Well, we discussed it a little more in depth and yes, we plan on getting married rather soon so that I can stay in the country with her.  I will be leaving the US on February 15th, and once we are together, we can go to the equivalent of the City Hall and fill out the necessary paperwork.  There is about a two month waiting period, which means hopefully, we will be legally married in Spain by the end of April 2016.  That’s pretty intense.  Veronica would like to have a wedding in July to allow our families to celebrate with us.  My mother would very much like to come visit Spain, but as far as the rest of my family and friends, I just don’t know who would be able to come and who wouldn’t.  Obviously I want them there, but I would have to understand if that just wasn’t a feasible trip.

In any case, as I started saying, this has been the hardest thing for me to do.  I am currently trying to sort through my belongings and decide what I am taking with me and what is to be thrown out.  It’s not easy to throw away things that have been a part of my life for so long.  Each day that goes by is harder to be here without her.  I miss her terribly, but I also know I am going to miss my family here when I leave.  It scares me to think I will be so far away from them really for the first time in my life.  I know logically it doesn’t make any sense to be afraid.  Everything will be better with Veronica, I know this.  I don’t have a future here, and if I stayed on this path, I would have died a very lonely, very sad, very pathetic man.  I see so much more with Veronica.  I see happiness.  I see a beautiful marriage and children very soon.  I see a life full of laughter and joy and the potential to see things I never would have seen otherwise.  Were I to stay here, I would see no more than the small world around me.  With Veronica, I can see the entire world.  I love her and I will do anything to be with her.  I know we will be together soon, but that doesn’t change how hard this is.  I hate waiting, but I hate thinking how soon I will have to say good-bye to my family.

I’ve mostly emptied all of my closets and I am slowly transporting most of my things to my mother’s house.  I have to be moved out of here by the end of the month and I have to figure out how I am getting my furniture out of here.  I thought I could donate it and people would come take it away for me, but apparently they only take small items, not full sized couches.  One way or the other, I will get it out, I’m just not entirely sure where I am going with it just yet.  When I first moved here in 2008, I remember thinking to myself that I would never have to move again.  How wrong I was.  It’s incredible how much stuff one person can amass over the years.  To be fair, most of the stuff here was the same stuff I had when I got here.  I haven’t really collected all that much, but I still have to get it all out.

This morning, Veronica sent me the information for my plane ticket.  I’ll be leaving on a Monday night out of New York and arriving Tuesday morning in Madrid.  It will certainly be a rushed week, as we need to travel to her parent’s town to file the paperwork for marriage, but I am sure we will be able to relax a little the following weekend.  I plan on getting to know the area surrounding Veronica’s house (our house) so that I can get around on days she may be at work and I am home alone.  I am planning on talking to people in local businesses to potentially line up jobs.  We’ll both have a lot to do the first few weeks I am in Spain, but I am confident it is all going to work out wonderful in the end.  For now, I have to continue living my life in limbo, half here and half there, which means I have to go get ready for work and deal with the frustrations I face there every day.  In any case, we’ll talk more soon.


~ by James on December 4, 2015.

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