Dreams

Like everyone, I’ve had dreams throughout my life.  Most of my dreams were extravagant fantasies of fortune and fame.  As a young teen, I dreamed of playing first base for The New York Yankees.  As I entered high school, basketball became my sport of choice and I worked daily to perfect my jump shot, hoping somehow, despite my diminutive stature, I would someday be recruited by the Duke University Blue Devils.  By my senior year, my sports dreams had been dashed, but other, slightly more practical goals came into focus.  I toyed with the idea of being a musician; a guitarist to be precise, although I had never touched a guitar until I was 19 years old.  When the music fell through, I thought about being a published author, even plowing through my first “novel,” written in under three months.  It was awful.  During my later years of college, the thought of opening my own coffee shop became my dream.  I imagined myself as a successful business owner, offering coffee and sandwiches to the local community and someday retiring happily as I passed the business on to my family.  One of my dreams that was lost in all of this was my dream of having a family.  As a child, I always simply assumed getting married, having children, and retiring in the suburbs was a given.  As a teen, I certainly wanted a girlfriend, but as the years passed, I found myself single and always too shy to approach anyone.  College offered me some solace as I did finally find myself around women who were willing to spend a little time with me, but none of them turned out to be the woman of my dreams.  As college ended and I went to work everyday, my hopes of finding “the one” started to fade.  I realized that many of my dream had not come true and I started to accept that maybe my dream of marriage and a family would also fail to become reality.

The more I saw my dreams fade, the more complacent I became about a life dull and drab.  I stopped envisioning a life full of family and instead I saw myself growing old alone, living in the same apartment, living the same mundane life year after year until one day the end came for me.  It was depressing, and to be fair, I was depressed.  It took a lot for me to see the path I was heading down, and it took even more for me to pick myself up and crawl out of that life.  I had to die a little in order to be reborn.

It’s been almost two years now since my rebirth and my entire life is about to turn itself upside down.  The first step was having the courage to be happy and to do something, even if it scared me.  I went to Spain.  I went to Spain alone.  I went to Spain alone and spent 30 days living among the Spanish people.  For me, that was an incredible step forward.  I learned so much about myself in those 30 days.  I learned what I did and did not need to survive.  I learned that I could do anything, go anywhere, and finally be the person I wanted to be.  Coming home was difficult.  Yes, I missed my family and friends, but they would never share in the excitement that I experienced traveling alone to another country.  They would never have the memories I have and somehow being home once again lost its luster.

Veronica is a dream come true.  Meeting here was totally by chance, and yet here I am, almost eight months later talking about how happy she and I are together.  Veronica has restored my faith that dreams can come true.  She and I share the same dreams and that is part of what makes our relationship so incredible.  I smile every time I think of her and as I sit here thinking of what the next month will mean for me, for my life, and for our life together, I can’t believe all of this is really happening for me.  For the first time in my life, my dreams are becoming a reality and I have never been happier.  When this all first began I think we both feared it would never become a reality.  We both feared our fantasies of having a life together would fade away and we would each sadly return to the mundane lives we had previously lived.  I am happy to say that is not the case.  I am happy to say we have both had the courage to take a huge risk and devote ourselves to one another.  I am committed to her and I will do whatever it takes to be with her.  In just about a month, I will get on a plane and once again travel to Spain, this time with no return date in mind.  I love her and we are going to be married, but in my mind, we are already man and wife.  There is no one else in this world for me and we plan on starting a family together as soon as possible.

There really was a time in which I gave up on my dreams.  I thought perhaps I didn’t deserve happiness, but the truth is, we all deserve to be happy, but we can’t expect it will just come to us.  Had I not taken a huge step in overcoming my fears, I never would have met Veronica and who knows where my life would be today?  I know this is what I want, and I know that I love her because there is nothing anyone can say or do to dissuade me from being with her.  My worries have vanished, and while yes, I will still have responsibilities to take care of, I am not letting any of those things stand in my way.  For too many years I let fears of money and all sorts of other ridiculous worries prevent me from being happy.  No more.  On February 14th, 2016 , I will take her in my arms and never let her go.  We will hit bumps in the road along the way for sure, but I am certain our love for one another will keep us strong.  I have no idea what the future holds for me, and for the first time in my life, I don’t have any silly fantasies to hope for.  The truth is, she and I are all we need, and soon our dreams are going to become very real.  Wish me luck.

Advertisements

~ by James on January 8, 2016.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: