Getting Back On Track

So I have two rather distinct topics I should focus on today.  One is the social topic of the presidential election which came to an end last night, and the other is my personal issue with desperately trying to secure a girlfriend.  Let’s start with Barack Obama.

Until this year, I had never followed politics all that closely.  Upon turning 18, I registered to vote and made it a point to vote for the President every four years, but I was not overly educated when it came to the issues.  I was registered as an independent initially yet voted primarily democratic.  I voted for Al Gore in 2000, John Kerry in 2004, and Barack Obama in 2008.  Upon moving to my new town, I waited until this year to register once again, however as the year progressed I became more and more interested in the current state of our government.  I don’t know if it is because I am starting to realize that policies in Washington are actually affecting me or simply because I can now better see the corruption found in so many politicians and I wanted to try my best to support those who are at the very least less corrupt than others.  It would be unfair of me to say Republicans are all corrupt, but as I became more familiar not only with their policies but the means by which they achieved their goals I found myself becoming more and more settled on being a democrat.  I did in fact register here as a democrat, and yesterday I made sure to get to the polls and show my support for the democratic party.

Last night, my friend and I spent the night watching the coverage of the election.  At about 11:15 PM, the major news networks reported that Obama had won the electoral vote in Ohio, giving him the 270 + electoral votes he needed to secure reelection.  Of course I was relieved to know Mitt Romney would not be leading this country.  I have lived through five presidents of this country, but this was the first occasion in which I really feared what road this country would take should the Republicans take over the entire government.  Romney’s policies regarding women, Hispanics, homosexuals, and just about everything else sickened me to a point I threatened to move to another country out of anger and disappointment.  Of course, now that I think about it, I don’t think running away would have been a good way to get this country back on track.  Of course this nation functions in such a way that even if he had taken power, his policies would have to be passed by the entire government before taking effect.  It just would have been a lot easier for him given the Republicans control the House of Representatives.  I believe our government functions well, but I believe that today because I see a positive outcome to the election.  I wonder what I would be thinking this morning has Obama not won.  In any case, regardless of the winner, there is work to be done to keep this country going in the right direction.  While the economy is still a mess, I see it moving in the right direction and am positive it can continue.  Progress may be slow, but I’ll take slow movement forward in place of any movement backwards.  He has four more years to get things going.  Let’s get to work.

Now, onto my love life, you know the interesting stuff.  I went on and on last time about how empty I had come to feel when it came to relationships and despite all my hopes of finding true love, every time I failed, I grew more and more distant from the prospect of finding happiness.  I had gotten my hopes up over someone I had yet to meet face to face and when she told me she was sick on Saturday, I found myself once again in that place of empty emotion where I was not sad or depressed, but just feeling nothing.  Of course, give it a few hours, and things can change very quickly, especially given the power of a woman.

I was just about to go to bed when Maurice sent me a message here on my computer.  She was apologizing for not being able to go out, and we ended up chatting online for about two hours.  Of course this lifted my spirits and got me hoping once again that things were going to work out between her and me.  I say that now and it sounds odd, only because I am getting my hopes up over someone I don’t truly know that well.  I am certainly attracted to her, and I am certainly interested in getting to know her better, but I worry it is a mistake on my part to get so excited over something as simple as an online chat.  That being said, things got better on Monday.

I decided to send her a message asking if I could take her to work Monday afternoon.  It was a shot in the dark on my part, but to my surprise, not only did she accept, she suggested we get a cup of coffee first to talk for a bit.  I was thrilled but had no time to really prepare myself.  Ultimately, I think this was for the best as neither one of us had to worry about preparing for a big date.  I just went to pick her up, take her for coffee and then I brought her to work.  I didn’t have time to get nervous about it.

I am very happy to say things went great.  She and I spoke entirely in Spanish for nearly an hour and she seemed genuinely happy that not only did I understand her, but I was able to talk to her without any real difficulty.  I was a little nervous I would say something stupid or I would forget how to say something very simple, but it all went great and I didn’t even notice I wasn’t using English at all.  She has a great smile and I found myself staring into her eyes the entire time she talked.  In fact, I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.  She too made total eye contact with me, which made me feel great.  In fact, I have no reason to think it went in any way but perfect, yet I am still not 100 % comfortable, only because of my past experiences.

As I drove home after dropping her at work, I was worried she would want to become “just friends,” that terrible place you go when she likes you enough to talk to you but doesn’t want a real relationship.  I’ve had that happen too many times and I know that never ends well, but then I realized, we are both in our 30’s.  She is not looking for more friends any more than I am.  Unless I am crazy, we are both looking for true partners.  I won’t go as far as to say she is looking for a husband any more than I am looking for a wife, but that we are both looking for something serious that could lead to that.  It’s ridiculous to think that we are going to spend time together and not become something more than friends.  Of course, how do I go about securing this?  If I were watching this play out with someone else, I would tell that person they have nothing to worry about, things are going great, but since it is me, I am worried any time I try to move things forward and she denies it.  I asked her through a text message if she wanted to spend time together this weekend and she said she already had plans.  To a normal person, this is a perfectly acceptable response and they would move on from there, but I am terrified she is avoiding me.  I know that is most likely not the case, but I am still afraid.  In any case, I need to remember to stay relaxed and simply look for an opportunity to see her sometime soon.  I don’t want to do anything too forward just yet.  I thought about bringing her coffee and bagels for breakfast as a surprise one day this week, but since she already said the weekend is out, I might have to hold off.  I don’t want to come off too strong.  Of course I want her to be well aware that I am interested, but like I said, if either one of us were not interested, I don’t think I would still be chatting with her.  I think my best bet is to wait for her to contact me again and if she doesn’t in the next few days, then I will try one more time.  I won’t go crazy nor will I let myself become obsessed.  Given our conversation on Monday and my feelings of attraction towards her, she is worth the wait.  I will trust that unlike other women in my past, she is not seeing anyone else at the same time as me and I will try to keep in mind that she is having just as many worries and doubts as I am.

I must say, it was nice to have someone to walk side by side with into a Dunkin Donuts.  I haven’t sat and talked with a single woman in some time, and I felt great being able to focus entirely on her for an hour.  She told me I was tall, which I scoffed at, but was pleased to see where she came up to next to me.  She is the perfect hugging height.  Hopefully I will get many more opportunities to hug her.

Alright, enough of this mushy stuff.  I’m out of here.  I’ll keep you posted on what happens.  Adios.

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~ by James on November 7, 2012.

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